Power Moms Unite

It’s hard to get somewhere if you don’t know where you are going. Kids with ADHD have executive functioning deficits. In plain language, this means it is hard for them to evaluate their abilities, set goals, or execute a plan. They need to be explicitly taught the skills associated with goal setting, so they can be empowered to find a tangible path to lifelong success.

What’s in a good goal? Goals should be “SMART.”
1) Specific: Make goals behavior specific. Avoid vague or elaborate multi-step goals. For example a smart goal is not, “Clean your room. “ Instead, say “Put all the clothes that are on your floor, in your hamper.”

2) Measurable: Make sure it is clear when a goal has been achieved. Goals must be measurable- how much? How often? How many days? In the goal “Put all the clothes that are on your floor in your hamper,” we know it is complete when there are no more clothes on the floor. On the other hand, in the goal, “clean your room,” any teenager will tell you a clean room is really defined by your definition of “clean.”

3) Attainable/ Realistic: Is the goal within abilities and time allotment? Is it realistic? Goals should to be set near a current area of ability- goals should expand a child’s success zone.

4) Timely: When will this goal be completed? How long does the child have to finish the goal? Goal should have a time frame for when they will be completed. For example, in the “put all the clothes on your floor in your hamper” goal, add “4 out of the next 7 days” and you make the goal timely. Other ways to make goals timely is to simply add a due date, “I will finish reading my novel by Friday night.”

What kinds of goals should be made? Make goals about school, others and self. By focusing on each of these areas, kids are likely to find something they are motivated to accomplish, while also learning the important life lessons of creating balance in their lives. Limit one goal for each area. Making too many goals, make it more difficult to focus on all of them- increasing the chance they won’t be achieved. Kids (and adults) need to be successful!

Goals for school are goals for the work side of children’s lives, their job- school. Consider grade appropriate goals like finishing a novel, writing a book report, writing down assignments or finishing assigned work. Encourage your child to talk to your teacher about what changes he or she would like to see. Explore with your child what you view as their strengths and weak areas. If they are completing 40% of their work, consider a goal to complete 50% one week and if successful, then 60% the following week. The goal is obviously to reach 100% of the work, but to have long standing success you have to build on what is already working. Reaching to fast and then missing the goal attainment, can feed a child’s sense of the impossible and ignores why the child wasn’t achieving to begin with.

Goals for others should be about doing something to enhance relationships and friendships. Does your child have a friendship that is broken or damaged- what can they do to fix it? Has a family member that has been hurt by something they did? What can you do to apologize? What can you do to help repair the rift? Provide concrete suggestions for activities and goals.

Goals for self should be about something your child is good at doing and ideally enjoys doing. Help them build their success zone. How can they take their talents to another level? Do they want to improve their lap time? Or get better at drawing horses? Or maybe get better at building with Legos- consider a trip to the library for book on the subject? Strategize with your child on ideas to enhance their skills and life’s joy.

Create a routine for goal setting. Building a goal setting session into a routine is the hardest part of setting goals. Link goal setting time with a weekly activity. For example, talk about the past week, review what went well and what did not, and make a plan for the coming week over Sunday morning breakfast. After breakfast, sit with your child and have them write or dictate their goals. Use a goal setting sheet to organize ideas and plans. (Go to the download tab of this site to download the Power Mom’s Goal Setting Sheet.)

Be your child’s goal buddy, a person encouraging them to stay on track with their goals. It is difficult for kids with poor planning to stay on track and remember the goal without reminders. Create a reward plan with your child. How are they going to celebrate their success? Rejoice with your child in their success- consider rewards like a hike together or a milkshake shared at McDonalds. Success is always sweeter when it is shared with a friend who knows the depth of the challenge.

Remembering goals can be difficult during the business of the week. Post the goals on a mirror, back of your child’s closet door or on the refrigerator. Check-in regularly on how the goal attainment is going. Ask if there is anything you can do to help? For parents, who struggle to remember – consider an electronic reminder or post the goals in a prominent spot in the house so you both remember where you’re “going” through the week.

Let your child own their successes and their failures. Do not do their work for them or save them from missing their goals. The point of goal setting is for them to be responsible for the direction of their lives. As a parent, guide them and encourage them, strategize to find solutions to obstacles, but do not do their work.

At the end of the week, review with your child how they did. Common mistake areas for making goals include vague goals, unrealistic goals or goals that could not be accomplished in the time allotted. It is okay. When making goals for the coming week- help your child tweak them to be more specific and realistic. If your child consistently misses their target, talk with them. Strategize, where are things going wrong? Investigate the problem and begin again. Whatever you do, don’t stop setting goals or examining the source of obstacles with your child. Make goals smaller and closer to the child’s success zone: slowly expanding it will lead to success. Explain that goal setting is a dynamic process.

Most importantly, parents don’t forget to celebrate your child’s hard work. Even if your child doesn’t accomplish any of their goals but has worked hard toward them, compliment them. It is tough to keep working when you do not feel success. Be their biggest cheerleader! Celebrate their achievements, even if they are small. Long standing success builds slowly.