Power Moms Unite

As the depth of the recession has grown, so has the productivity demand by companies of their employees.  For 7.6 percent of us, we are struggling to even have a job.  As a country, we are trying to do more with less.  Work more with less sleep.  Care for a family with fewer resources.  Manage more stress with less time.  Unfortunately, as our mental and emotional resources are expended looking for job, finding places to trim our budget, or maintain employer satisfaction with our performance, we have less emotional energy for our families and ourselves.  For families with special needs, this can have disastrous consequences.  Parents have less patience and tolerance for misbehavior, which creates a stressful home environment, igniting defiance from children with ADHD, and cyclically increasing parental stress.

Break the cycle by creating an “I Love You Ritual,” a ceremonial act or series of actions that communicates love, through touch, empathy, and talk.  When stressed about basic needs like housing and food costs, it is understandable to feel depressed and want to disengage from the emotional needs of your family.  Resist the urge by finding a time everyday to emotionally and physically connect with your kids.   Believe it or not, by doing this ritual, a sense of security will be created for both of you and your stress levels will be reduced.  

Bedtime may be the easiest time to create a ritual.  Take 10 minutes and read a bedtime story and profess your love to them by stroking their hair, as you tuck them into bed.  Compliment your child on something good they did that day, no matter how small or insignificant.  Praise, praise, praise!  

If the kids are already in bed when you get home, consider making your ritual in the morning- rub their back and gently rouse them for the day.  Whisper a silly song in their ear.  Make a regular connection over a bowl of cereal, or as you wait for the bus- review what your child has planned for their day.  Ask if they need positive thoughts and prayers sent their way for a big test or difficult presentation.  Resist the temptation to become absorbed in checking email on you cell phone, instead make the most of your time with your kids to build good will, communicate your interest, concern, and love- make a simple routine event, like waiting for the bus, into a “I Love You Ritual.”

If traveling during the week, use technology to connect.  Carry one of your child’s small stuffed animals with you as you travel and take pictures of the animal with your cell phone- while on the plane, in your hotel room, at your meeting.  Seeing their “lovey” in their parents’ world, communicates you are still thinking of them, and can ease behavior fall out from missing a parent.  Send a picture a day via email. 

When you get home, take part of your weekend and dedicate it to playing with the kids- roll around on the floor and giggle, play a board game together, play a game of basketball together- engage your emotional presence, not just your physical one.  Make an appointment to talk and connect.  Avoid the temptation of substituting attendance at your kids’ activities as “I Love You Rituals”- watching their basketball game or attending their concert, while important, is more a part of a routine, than a ritual designed to communicate your love for your child. 

Suggestions for daily “I Love You Rituals:”

            Read a bedtime story.

            Sing silly songs together.

            Rub a back while talking about your child’s day with them.

            Play a favorite card game or board game together.

            Do silly finger play songs together. 

            Sing a lullaby to your child.

            Take a walk together, look for evidence of spring, listen for birds, hold hands, talk about the day- or what was for lunch.

            Most importantly, have some fun and laughs while enjoying each other’s company, even if its for only 10 minutes.  It will provide stress relief for you and security for your child.