Comments on: Teaching Management of the Expense of ADHD http://www.powermomsunite.com/2009/02/27/teaching-management-of-the-expense-of-adhd/ empowering ADHD families to celebrate Sat, 21 Aug 2010 05:27:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Kathleen Christensen http://www.powermomsunite.com/2009/02/27/teaching-management-of-the-expense-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-157 Kathleen Christensen Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:31:10 +0000 http://www.powermomsunite.com/?p=517#comment-157 Lots of good ideas! Thanks! Glad I've found your blog--will put it in my reader. Lots of good ideas! Thanks! Glad I’ve found your blog–will put it in my reader.

]]> By: Whitney http://www.powermomsunite.com/2009/02/27/teaching-management-of-the-expense-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-69 Whitney Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:54:02 +0000 http://www.powermomsunite.com/?p=517#comment-69 I think we have to apologize from time to time if our reaction was over the top, but we also have to let them know why we are angry and disappointed. I use this "Social Autopsy" approach I picked up from Rick Lavoie, to try to get my kids to understand and appreciate my point of view as well. I also think it's appropriate for them to know the value of the money it takes to replace these things, and make them help out, work of the debt, pay for some of it out of their allowance, shovel walks, whatever- just to learn the responsibility thing. Having 2 ADHD kids, I got so sick of the "It was an accident" and "I didn't mean it" and "it seemed like a good idea at the time" stuff. I had to explain to them that even if I got into a car accident, I still had to be responsible for the aftermath. I tell them a quote from Paul Newman- "You can do anything as long as you are prepared for the consequences." And that means being accountable for your decisions, good and bad. Our kids will be impulsive. Especially off the meds, they will make some goofy decisions that make us frustrated and angry. The house will continually take dings. The best advice to to focus on the remedy, not the blame- they can't change the past- they can only change the future. And that's a hard thing to remember when you just are so frustrated you want to scream. Power move- help them brain storm solutions for the problem, so they learn from it. They are also usually tougher on themselves than you might ever be. I think we have to apologize from time to time if our reaction was over the top, but we also have to let them know why we are angry and disappointed. I use this “Social Autopsy” approach I picked up from Rick Lavoie, to try to get my kids to understand and appreciate my point of view as well. I also think it’s appropriate for them to know the value of the money it takes to replace these things, and make them help out, work of the debt, pay for some of it out of their allowance, shovel walks, whatever- just to learn the responsibility thing.

Having 2 ADHD kids, I got so sick of the “It was an accident” and “I didn’t mean it” and “it seemed like a good idea at the time” stuff. I had to explain to them that even if I got into a car accident, I still had to be responsible for the aftermath. I tell them a quote from Paul Newman- “You can do anything as long as you are prepared for the consequences.” And that means being accountable for your decisions, good and bad.

Our kids will be impulsive. Especially off the meds, they will make some goofy decisions that make us frustrated and angry. The house will continually take dings. The best advice to to focus on the remedy, not the blame- they can’t change the past- they can only change the future. And that’s a hard thing to remember when you just are so frustrated you want to scream.
Power move- help them brain storm solutions for the problem, so they learn from it. They are also usually tougher on themselves than you might ever be.

]]> By: candace http://www.powermomsunite.com/2009/02/27/teaching-management-of-the-expense-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-62 candace Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:37:09 +0000 http://www.powermomsunite.com/?p=517#comment-62 Debra- You make a good point. I failed to place this idea in the full context of what occurs bi-weekly at my house. All of my kids are responsible for 4 daily chores, each of which they are paid a quarter. They track their chore completion on our home web page, which tabulates totals daily and weekly. Every other week- okay, more like monthly, we sit down and document their allowance money into a family bank (AKA cigar box with ledgers for each child.) At this time each child pools their money into 3 pots- one for charity, one for expenses (like clothes- they responsible for buying their clothes after their 8th birthday- and activity equipment), and one for savings. They write it all down in the ledgers and then we do a bank run to deposit their savings pot of cash. Their savings is alot like our 401ks- to withdrawal money, half must be given to us (the government): in reality we redeposit it into an education savings account for them. We also have a job bank - a job list in which we negotiate prices for big projects needing to be completed around the house, which helps defray damage costs and helps them pay for extra expensive sport and camping equipment. The online systems is more for the parents than the kids- because the money does have to come from somewhere. Typically, kids with ADHD live in families with ADHD. ADHD is highly inheritable and often parents are undiagnosed or parents are diagnosed but struggle to help their child with executive planning tasks, like money management- because it is their weak suit too! I can say that because I live there! The online banking idea is designed to make savings and planning more automated. Token systems are nightmarish for ADHD families- we lose the tokens, forget to track them, and eventually give up! Our family cash strategy is concrete and the kids are responsible for tracking their chores- I remind them to log-in for chores, but the tracking and management is minimal- by design. We play to our strengths and minimize our weaknesses- automated savings works for us! Debate and conversation is always welcome. I thank you for forcing me to clarify what works for my ADHD family. Respectfully, Candace McLane, MA adhdpowermom www.powermomsunite.com Debra- You make a good point. I failed to place this idea in the full context of what occurs bi-weekly at my house. All of my kids are responsible for 4 daily chores, each of which they are paid a quarter. They track their chore completion on our home web page, which tabulates totals daily and weekly. Every other week- okay, more like monthly, we sit down and document their allowance money into a family bank (AKA cigar box with ledgers for each child.) At this time each child pools their money into 3 pots- one for charity, one for expenses (like clothes- they responsible for buying their clothes after their 8th birthday- and activity equipment), and one for savings. They write it all down in the ledgers and then we do a bank run to deposit their savings pot of cash. Their savings is alot like our 401ks- to withdrawal money, half must be given to us (the government): in reality we redeposit it into an education savings account for them. We also have a job bank – a job list in which we negotiate prices for big projects needing to be completed around the house, which helps defray damage costs and helps them pay for extra expensive sport and camping equipment.

The online systems is more for the parents than the kids- because the money does have to come from somewhere. Typically, kids with ADHD live in families with ADHD. ADHD is highly inheritable and often parents are undiagnosed or parents are diagnosed but struggle to help their child with executive planning tasks, like money management- because it is their weak suit too! I can say that because I live there!

The online banking idea is designed to make savings and planning more automated. Token systems are nightmarish for ADHD families- we lose the tokens, forget to track them, and eventually give up! Our family cash strategy is concrete and the kids are responsible for tracking their chores- I remind them to log-in for chores, but the tracking and management is minimal- by design. We play to our strengths and minimize our weaknesses- automated savings works for us!

Debate and conversation is always welcome. I thank you for forcing me to clarify what works for my ADHD family.

Respectfully,
Candace McLane, MA
adhdpowermom
http://www.powermomsunite.com

]]> By: Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom http://www.powermomsunite.com/2009/02/27/teaching-management-of-the-expense-of-adhd/comment-page-1/#comment-61 Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom Fri, 27 Feb 2009 13:29:34 +0000 http://www.powermomsunite.com/?p=517#comment-61 Good morning. Thank you for this article. Have a suggestion. Although a noble idea, an automatic savings plans does not teach your children the value of a dollar. That may be why they are not respecting their belongings and yours. ONLY when a dollar equals a certain amount of time of their sustained effort will it mean something. That is why I recommend a token system with which you can PAY for chores beyond those required by each child as their contribution to the home upkeep. And for good behavior. At the end of the week, these tokens are redeemed for allowance in a PAYDAY event. Suddenly those two dollars equal washing the dog and helping Janie wash the car. My kids washed my car by hand each week for many years and had a BLAST doing it. And raked leaves. Son mowed the yard. Daughter fertilized the gardens. As a result they both have healthy savings accounts AND a healthy attitude about money. Apologies are another topic. I have a step-by-step system for teaching children to apologize that you will LOVE. The secret is in using feeling words AFTER you teach them. And you can teach them easily with a fun family game. :) I teach parents how to help their children who need MORE than typical parenting to behave. And let's start continue this conversation. Sincerely yours in parenting success, Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom http://www.respecteffectpublishing.com Good morning. Thank you for this article. Have a suggestion. Although a noble idea, an automatic savings plans does not teach your children the value of a dollar. That may be why they are not respecting their belongings and yours.

ONLY when a dollar equals a certain amount of time of their sustained effort will it mean something. That is why I recommend a token system with which you can PAY for chores beyond those required by each child as their contribution to the home upkeep. And for good behavior.

At the end of the week, these tokens are redeemed for allowance in a PAYDAY event. Suddenly those two dollars equal washing the dog and helping Janie wash the car.

My kids washed my car by hand each week for many years and had a BLAST doing it. And raked leaves. Son mowed the yard. Daughter fertilized the gardens.

As a result they both have healthy savings accounts AND a healthy attitude about money.

Apologies are another topic. I have a step-by-step system for teaching children to apologize that you will LOVE. The secret is in using feeling words AFTER you teach them. And you can teach them easily with a fun family game. :)

I teach parents how to help their children who need MORE than typical parenting to behave.

And let’s start continue this conversation.

Sincerely yours in parenting success,
Debra Sale Wendler – Respect Effect Mom
http://www.respecteffectpublishing.com

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