Power Moms Unite

It’s been a while, so please be gentle to this newly re-engaged blogger….

I went in search of my “zing” during my writing hiatus.  Aging parents, struggling students, emotional pre-teens, needy toddlers, and a traveling husband took its pound of flesh- and my “zing” with them… In my frantic scurry to find happiness again, I came to realize that my zing was not a noun- a state to achieve, but a verb- a process.  My happiness could only be found in its pursuit.

As a mother managing a houseful of ADHD and then some, I fell into the trap of neglecting my pursuit of my “zing,” (AKA happiness) so I could do more caregiving.  In an effort to save time and mental energy, I sacrificed my then considered “fluff” self-centered activities, like reading, gardening, and writing so I could spend more time taking care of everyone else.  By saving my mental energy, I actually lost it- quite literally. With diminishing mental energy,  I became more and more stressed. I spent more and more time and effort repairing family disagreements and conflicts, caused by the screamy-meanies. I had not expected to become the ‘MommyMonster,” so aptly named by my kids.  Without replenishing my tank, I continued to spiral downward, with less and less energy and more and more yelling.

Seeking happiness, something that is suppose to be enjoyable, requires effort: it is work.  Somehow, I think we Americans think joy should be effortless- it’s not.  It requires focus and discipline: that is difficult when you are unfocused due to ADHD or depression, or distracted by what you see as a more important task- like caregiving.

So how did I get my zing back…well I first dealt with my emotional concerns- I went to see a counselor, which lead to a psychiatrist, which lead to a bit of testing, which led to a diagnosis of ADHD, anxiety and depression.  I started medicine.  This allowed me to start focusing on working toward happiness – to set up and follow routines that lead toward living a more fulfilling life that included caregiving but was not and is not consumed by it.  I now have rules about thinking in my head:

1)    Own your stuff – your feelings, your talents, and your issues.

2)    Look for the upside, always.

3)    Fake it till you feel it. Practice being full of zing.

4)    Laugh.

5)    Reframe conflict and listen to it. Yelling is an expression of frustration and stress.

6)    Be grateful. Always say thank you.

7)    It’s okay to focus on self for a little bit everyday.

I encourage you to make your own rules.  Living with distraction can make happiness evasive.  For ideas for pursuing your zing, check out Gretchen Rubin’s book, entitled, ”The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean my Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun.”  She has taken the time to try out all the advice happiness experts have to offer.  At her blog, “The Happiness Project” she has suggested rules for finding your happiness as well as a Happiness Toolbox for getting started on your own happiness project.

For research studies about enhancing happiness, considered visiting University of Penn’s Positive Psychology Center.  The site carries links to current research in the area of happiness, as well as connects to the Authentic Happiness Site,  where internet surfers can learn about their attribution style and life satisfaction.  For happiness inspiration, visit the ruHap website. You can sign-up for their user-friendly happiness newsletter, that can serve as a great reminder to keep working toward your happiness goals.

I wish you the best in your happiness pursuit.  It’s good to be back to writing, pursing my zing…