6 Friends Every ADHD Mom Needs

After 20 years in Philadelphia, last June I moved to Salt Lake City with my husband and 5 children, 4 of whom have ADHD.  Facing the prospect of rebuilding my village, 2000 miles away from my home was daunting. I would take my dear husband to “Marshalls,” sillily hoping he would attack the racks like my dear friend back East- suffice to say, he’s no Ruth.

It has taken me 4 decades to understand that no friend can meet all your needs.  We need different friends for different aspects of ourselves.  Every friend cannot be everything to everyone.  Instead of searching for the perfect friend, focus of finding ones that can satisfy a niche in your friendship circle.

It is a year later, I still miss day-to-day in my old village but this Salt Lake City village is slowly coming together.  I am finding my characters.  I hope this weekend you get some time to buid your village, and perhaps this list can help you identify some key characters needed in your friendship circle.

Comedian. Laughter is the best medicine.  Having a friend who makes jokes about the absurdity of things, can point the way to approaching the lighter side of your own circumstances.  Welcome their humorous take on everyday life, and laugh freely!

Seismometer. This person is typically a mom, who is always in the “know,” her ear to the ground, checking for vibrations.  She often has a talkative daughter who is very involved  in school activities, and keeps her mother informed.  This mom is typically heavily involved in the school herself.  From her, you can usually get the skinny on parties, faculty changes, even dates on upcoming tests and projects, if your children share a class.

Life Coach. Raising a family with ADHD requires emotional and spiritual support.  This mom is typically non-judgemental and able to see a conflict from multiple sides and presents them in a non-threatening manner.  She makes powerful suggestions, but keeps confidences and never preaches.  She knows when to be quiet and just give you a hug.

Fashionista. This mom is always put together, knows the latest fashion trends and the coolest new restaurants.  She is a wonderful friend with whom to hit the sales and go for lunch, just don’t expect the conversation to be too deep or for her to welcome discussion of the crazy morning you had.  She will keep you focused on taking care of your exterior self, and do her best to take away any guilt you have about focusing on yourself.

Resource Expert. This mom has knowledge of the education system and knows how to navigate it.  She has researched all the area schools and their educational support programs.  She is often a trained educator herself, and has access to reputable information about the nature of ADD/ADHD and the area facilities that specialize in its treatment.  Often you can find this friend at CHADD and Autism support groups.

Comrade in Arms. Everyone needs someone with whom to commiserate, share our success and abysmal failures, without fear of judgement.  This friend has been there, is living the same challenges as yourself.  Use each other as sounding boards, and as another resource for strategies for ADHD family management.

Happy Village Building!

Candace