How many times have you gotten a phone call from school, in which an overly polite almost timid voice said “Ahhh, Mrs. M., ahhh, your daughter appears to be struggling this morning…. Ahh, did your daughter take her medicine, this morning?”  Suddenly, you are filled with dread and guilt….guilt that you got distracted and forgot to give out medicine, guilt that you let your child struggle so publically with her fidgeting, calling out, or dreaminess.  You are filled with dread as you now need to run home and then to school to deliver her medicine, or worst yet, the dread that no medicine relief is possible- you cannot leave work or are out of the vicinity of school and home…

As you prepare paperwork for the coming school year, including those medical examination forms, consider having your pediatrician complete a “permission for distribution of prescription medication” form, even if your child only takes medication before school.  Imagine the peace of mind you could have next school year, with a few emergency pills in the school office.  Imagine the fall morning when you get that teacher phone call and can say, okay send her to the nurse’s office they have her pill there- little guilt and no dread…

Conference with your child’s teacher to discuss skills your child will need to reinforce for the coming school year.  Before the end of the school year, compile a list of topics to be covered in the coming school year, as well as skills that need to be maintained over the summer, to prevent summer slide.

Collect reading list recommendations from teachers, the school district, and/or the local library.  Other great resources for summer reading include Jim Trelease’s Read Aloud Handbook, the American Library Association Booklist Awards, and the Newbery Award list.

With your child, make a list of activities that interest them.   Where would they like to visit locally.  Consider family field trips that could fuel their passions- like a trip to an aviation museum, a pretzel factory, a pottery studio, a local farm- the possibilities are endless.  Consider a trip to a local museum that relates to information coming in the next school year, collect souvenirs to help recall information later in the year.

Honestly assess what skills you see your child has and is lacking.   Use the 6-Sided Survey (402) to get you started at looking what you need to address with your child.  Compile a list of activities that can help your child build weaker skills.  Consider activities like volunteering at a soup kitchen to help build empathy or regularly presenting information to your family in an effort to build confidence and reduce anxiety when speaking publicly.  Make a goal for giving 2 daily compliments to a sibling for improved sibling relations.  Be sure to make goals for both academics and passions, but also for friendship building and spiritual development.  Use the Six-Sided Survey to consider your whole child.

After you have collected these lists of areas to develop, activities and interests to pursue, work with your child to set goals for their summer.  Remember that goals need to be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.  Consider providing a sign-on bonus for agreeing to pursue the contract and providing an attainment bonus for kids who accomplish all of their goals or an agreed upon portion of their goals, by a prescribed due date.  Encourage your child to make a goal for building skills in a weak area.  Offer support and encouragement, as you help your child set specific but realistic goals for developing themselves.

Included is a Summer Contract Example (377).  This contract is based on a monetary reward system, for a 7 year old child who is responsible for buying his own play clothes.  Rewards for completing goals can be monetary or simply other activities you promise to do with your child if they complete their individual goals.  Up the reward for goals that may be particularly difficult to attain.  The idea behind making the summer contract is to help children build a positive self-image through identifying and developing their talents, and identifying and overcoming their weaknesses.  Be sure to celebrate success!

It’s hard to get somewhere if you don’t know where you are going.

What’s in a good goal? Goals should be “SMART.”
1) Specific: Make goals behavior specific. Avoid vague or elaborate multi-step goals. For example a smart goal is not, “Clean your room. “ Instead, say “Put all the clothes that are on your floor, in your hamper.”

2) Measurable: Make sure it is clear when a goal has been achieved. Goals must be measurable- how much? How often? How many days? In the goal “Put all the clothes that are on your floor in your hamper,” we know it is complete when there are no more clothes on the floor. On the other hand, in the goal, “clean your room,” any teenager will tell you a clean room is really defined by your definition of “clean.”

3) Attainable/ Realistic: Is the goal within abilities and time allotment? Is it realistic? Goals should to be set near a current area of ability- goals should expand a child’s success zone.

4) Timely: When will this goal be completed? How long does the child have to finish the goal? Goal should have a time frame for when they will be completed. For example, in the “put all the clothes on your floor in your hamper” goal, add “4 out of the next 7 days” and you make the goal timely. Other ways to make goals timely is to simply add a due date, “I will finish reading my novel by Friday night.”

What kinds of goals should be made? Make goals about school, others and self. By focusing on each of these areas, kids are likely to find something they are motivated to accomplish, while also learning the important life lessons of creating balance in their lives. Limit one goal for each area. Making too many goals, make it more difficult to focus on all of them- increasing the chance they won’t be achieved. Kids (and adults) need to be successful!

Goals for school are goals for the work side of children’s lives, their job- school. Consider grade appropriate goals like finishing a novel, writing a book report, writing down assignments or finishing assigned work. Encourage your child to talk to your teacher about what changes he or she would like to see. Explore with your child what you view as their strengths and weak areas. If they are completing 40% of their work, consider a goal to complete 50% one week and if successful, then 60% the following week. The goal is obviously to reach 100% of the work, but to have long standing success you have to build on what is already working. Reaching to fast and then missing the goal attainment, can feed a child’s sense of the impossible and ignores why the child wasn’t achieving to begin with.

Goals for others should be about doing something to enhance relationships and friendships. Does your child have a friendship that is broken or damaged- what can they do to fix it? Has a family member that has been hurt by something they did? What can you do to apologize? What can you do to help repair the rift? Provide concrete suggestions for activities and goals.

Goals for self should be about something your child is good at doing and ideally enjoys doing. Help them build their success zone. How can they take their talents to another level? Do they want to improve their lap time? Or get better at drawing horses? Or maybe get better at building with Legos- consider a trip to the library for book on the subject? Strategize with your child on ideas to enhance their skills and life’s joy.

Create a routine for goal setting. Building a goal setting session into a routine is the hardest part of setting goals. Link goal setting time with a weekly activity. For example, talk about the past week, review what went well and what did not, and make a plan for the coming week over Sunday morning breakfast. After breakfast, sit with your child and have them write or dictate their goals. Use a goal setting sheet to organize ideas and plans. (Go to the download tab of this site to download the Power Mom’s Goal Setting Sheet.)

Be your child’s goal buddy, a person encouraging them to stay on track with their goals. It is difficult for kids with poor planning to stay on track and remember the goal without reminders. Create a reward plan with your child. How are they going to celebrate their success? Rejoice with your child in their success- consider rewards like a hike together or a milkshake shared at McDonalds. Success is always sweeter when it is shared with a friend who knows the depth of the challenge.

Remembering goals can be difficult during the business of the week. Post the goals on a mirror, back of your child’s closet door or on the refrigerator. Check-in regularly on how the goal attainment is going. Ask if there is anything you can do to help? For parents, who struggle to remember – consider an electronic reminder or post the goals in a prominent spot in the house so you both remember where you’re “going” through the week.

Let your child own their successes and their failures. Do not do their work for them or save them from missing their goals. The point of goal setting is for them to be responsible for the direction of their lives. As a parent, guide them and encourage them, strategize to find solutions to obstacles, but do not do their work.

At the end of the week, review with your child how they did. Common mistake areas for making goals include vague goals, unrealistic goals or goals that could not be accomplished in the time allotted. It is okay. When making goals for the coming week- help your child tweak them to be more specific and realistic. If your child consistently misses their target, talk with them. Strategize, where are things going wrong? Investigate the problem and begin again. Whatever you do, don’t stop setting goals or examining the source of obstacles with your child. Make goals smaller and closer to the child’s success zone: slowly expanding it will lead to success. Explain that goal setting is a dynamic process.

Most importantly, parents don’t forget to celebrate your child’s hard work. Even if your child doesn’t accomplish any of their goals but has worked hard toward them, compliment them. It is tough to keep working when you do not feel success. Be their biggest cheerleader! Celebrate their achievements, even if they are small. Long standing success builds slowly.

2. ADHD makes it easier to act without thinking about the consequences (that can be good or bad, depending on whether you are driving your bike, speaking in front of a group of people or playing as the team’s soccer goalie.) ADHD can make it easier to intensely focus on things that are interesting, but it can also make it harder to pay attention to detail, be organized, plan ahead, and remember boring facts.

3. Having ADHD does not make you stupid or crazy, it means your brain works different from the average person. Just like some people can roll their tongue and other can’t, some kids have brains in which the neurotransmitter sits in the space between brain cells the proper time and other don’t. It has to do with how your body is made. No matter how much you practice, you can’t change the way your tongue rolls, or change the way the chemicals in your brain interact. You can, however use your fingers to roll your tongue and learn ways to make your brain work better for you.

4. ADHD explains why it can be difficult to sit still, remember facts and consequences, or complete a boring rote task, but it does not excuse disruptive behavior or bad manners. It is your parent’s responsibility to teach and/or get help teaching you the skills to manage your challenging ADHD behavior. It is your job to own your actions and master the skills needed to manage your behavior. Teachers and parents need to understand this a difficult journey and provide understanding and patience during your process of learning new ways of doing things.

5. Medication for ADHD allows the chemical messengers to have more opportunities to send their messages. Medicine allows you stop fidgeting and makes it easier to pay attention. It does not change your personality, improve you test scores, or teach you the skills of managing your actions. You are still responsible for your achievements and your mistakes, not your “ADHD.”

6. Because the chemistry of your brain works differently, pay special attention to what you put into your body. Eat well balance meals, high in protein, low in sugar, rich in fiber and Omega-3s. Avoid cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs, they all alter brain chemistry and development. (Good advice, even if you don’t have ADHD!)

7. Exercise daily. Strenuous exercise increases the amount of chemical messengers released in your brain. It provides a sense of well-being.

8. Lots of successful people have ADHD: Michael Phelps, Howie Mandel, Whoopi Goldberg, and Paul Orfalea, founder of Kinkos, just to name a few…

9. Impulsive behavior makes it easier to make mistakes, learn the art of repairing a rift.

10. Don’t be afraid to experiment with alternative ways of doing things:
a. Use a voice recorder and tape your lectures if you have trouble writing. Listen to your lecture later using headphone while you rollerblade, go for a walk, or take a run.
b. Fidgeting can help you to pay attention. Try squeezing a ball or rolling a rock in your fingers while studying, taking a test, or listening to a lecture.
c. Have a study buddy for every class. Identify someone who won’t mind reviewing notes and homework with you.
d. Use a “bucket method” to keep all your papers together. Store all your paper in one folder or binder, then find a buddy (like mom or dad) to help you sort thru the paper and file them into labeled subject folders, at the end of the week.

11. Recognize you are at greater risk for making impulsive decisions, make a decision about how you want to live your live before the situation presents itself. Talk to a parent or teacher about your decisions, so they can cheer for you! Write down your decisions and carry them with you. Review them often.

12. Set goals, and write them down. Initially, ask someone who cares about you to regularly force you to meet with him or her to review the goals and make a realistic plan to achieve them. It can be hard to remember to have this meeting on your own. A good life coach can help, be that a parent or a paid professional.

13. Success comes from doing the hard work of learning the skills you need. In any learning experience, mistakes are made. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself when you make them. Tenaciously pursue information and ideas about ADHD management and the skills you need. Own who you are and celebrate yourself!

1. Most people won’t believe the stories you tell.

2. Everyone has an opinion about how you should fix your child, some will be helpful: most will be a form of judgment.

3. The hardest part of being a family with ADHD is everyone sees your flaws when you have a bad day.

4. Too many extra-curricular activities disrupts the cadence of managing a houseful of ADHD.

5. Most of the world knows only what the media presents, not what is going on at NIH.

6. Teaching values and manners matter more for families managing ADHD, because stopping to pay attention to those things does not come naturally.

7. A tone of voice can invite cooperation or ignite deviance.

8. Kids do if they can. All kids want to succeed.

9. Hugs fix a lot of mistakes.

10. Accepting ADHD makes successfully managing it much easier.