1)    Own your behavior without excuses.  No “ifs, ands, or buts.”

2)    Give your child repeatable slogans they can work into an apology to make apologizing effortless.  “I am sorry I….  Is there anything I can do to help?”

3)    Always offer an action, as part of the apology. “Mom, I am sorry I broke your lamp.  I would like to I pay for a new one out of my allowance.”  “Charlene, I am sorry I broke your pen, would like to have mine?” “Katie, I am sorry I hit you, can I get you a piece of ice for your arm?”  For parents apologizing, ask your child to do an activity with you, that has nothing to do with the conflict, even if they resist.  It will help break the tension.

4)    Teach the importance of KISSing your apology. Keep It Short and Sweet. Do not go on and on with an apology.  If you need to, you are likely adding an excuse.

5)    Use humor to break tension. “ Remind me to leave that Mommy-monster in the car trunk tomorrow.”

6) Stay with it. Time repairs many rifts.  Continue to be open to the person you have offended, even if the reception to your apology is cool.  Often people need some time to recover from their own hurt feelings, before they can accept a friend fully back into the fold.  Be prepared that some rift repairs take time.

Illustration by Keith Noordzy, http://keithnoordzy.blogspot.com

The Weekend Planning Worksheet (613) grew out of this recurring experience for our family of 7.  On the planning sheet, each family member is assigned a color.  Just as an aside, this color is used to identify the person throughout the house, including calendars, shoe buckets, lunch boxes, laundry bins, etc.  Gray sections on the worksheet are for parents and caregivers.

What’s on the worksheet? The weekend planning worksheet is designed to be a trigger to help you organize weekend tasks and initiate planning for the coming week.  Sections on the sheet include household management, car care, family meeting, work related, meals for the coming week, homework/projects/events, as well as sections for listing errands, and follow-up items for the coming week.  As well as being color-coded, work –related and homework/projects/events sections contain a box in which to  write an individual’s initials.

The family meeting section is sub-divided into the following 3 sub-sections: value activity, concerns, and compliments.  Our family meetings are held on Sunday nights, but it can be held on any time in the week.  Each month, we focus on a specific value we want to impart on our children.  Our values include respect, love, peaceability, and honesty, to name a few.  Our family meeting always includes a thought-provoking activity to help the kids understand the value.  Over the course of the month, we as parents work hard to live and reinforce the presence of those values in our children.  The other sub-sections are self-explanatory.  Concerns are problems to be discussed as a family and compliments are items we want to publically recognize and reinforce.  Compliments might be anything from applauding how one child waited for the bathroom patiently to celebrating hard work a child put toward a project.  Ideally compliments include items that reinforce the value the family is working on that month.

When using the planning sheet be sure to include a task for yourself that boosts your own emotional and spiritual health.  Tasks might include going for a run, reading a book quietly, constructing a puzzle, or taking a bubble bath.- anything that gives a little time for yourself- so you feel rejuvenated to be the best mom for the coming week.  As a friend recently reminded me, “You are the glue- if the glue isn’t working, everything falls apart- you must make yourself a priority!”

When to complete the worksheet? I find completing the worksheet on Thursday nights very helpful.  Over dinner, I talk with the kids and my husband, if he is home from business travel, about what they want to accomplish over the weekend.  We look over schedules to make sure we know when and where all our events are occurring.  I take requests for meals in the coming week, which assures I plan my meals ahead, and lowers my weekday stress.  It also has the side benefit of limiting battles over meals, thus, raising the peace level in my home, and lowering everyone’s stress level.  When we are done with dinner, we typically have the worksheet completed.  I post it on the fridge and we all refer to it over the coming weekend.

…And so I give you the worksheet that has helped me feel effective and efficient, as well as allowed me to find my mommy-refresh time and lower my anxiety level.  Best wishes!

I have a lot of kids- and a lot of kids with special needs, so this problem may be unique to me, but I struggle to keep track of where I am in the process of raising my children.  There are times that I am very overwhelmed by how many needs they each have or am overcome with worry that I have overlooked an issue.  They are a whole person, but with special needs it is easy to hyper-focus on the educational issues and overlook other aspects of their being- like their spirituality or awareness of themselves.  In the times in which we live, so much information is coming at us, it is easy to suffer with informational saturation and  lose sight of the important bits.  The 6-Sided Survey  is a chart to track your concerns and plans for your child, while also documenting parenting goals and items on which follow-up is required.  My husband and I use it to strategize and make our goals for parenting in the coming month. Similarly, it can be used with nannys and long term sitters.

The 6 Sided Survey provides an outline for assessing a child’s physical, educational, emotional, social, and spiritual development, as well as development of self-awareness.  This survey is designed to be a quick over-view, and used to jog your mind, not for detailed documentation or formal evaluation.  You may find the survey useful to use weekly or it may be more suited for your lifestyle to review your children monthly.   Consider using this with long term help like a nanny, to communicate goals for the coming week, skills you need them to reinforce, or concerns you need to them to follow.

Under the Physical section of the survey, document any medication your child is taking and side effects your child may be experiencing.  Note other concerns you may have, including allergic reactions, sinus complaints, and stomach complaints. Depending on the age of the child, consider where your child is in their physical development, everything from developmental milestones to sexual maturity.

Under the Educational section, document success, including improved homework completion and improved grades.  Assess where you may be along the IEP process.  Does your child need tutoring help- even if it is from a family member?  Document all concerns.

Under the Self-section of the survey, document your child’s talents and self-sense.  Are they aware of their ADHD diagnosis or other diagnoses?  Are they aware of how their diagnoses affect their behavior?  Are they using adaptive strategies?  What coping strategies are successful?  What activities are they doing to develop their talents?

Under the Emotional section, document your child’s overall mood.  Do they have low frustration tolerance?   Are they having tantrums?  How frequent are the tantrums?  How long do they last? Can they self-soothe?  What do they do to manage their stress level?

In the Social section, document whom your child is a friend with?  What do they enjoy doing together?  Do they solve their own differences relatively peacefully? Does your child participate in group activities?  What are the activities and does she feel accepted in the group?  

Spiritual development has more to do with a child’s sense of self and others within a community and within the larger universe, than with a specific religion.  Though parents may want to specifically reference their religion and their child’s education within that religion, it is not necessary.  Does the child feel good about himself and view himself as being a positive moral person, who has value?

The last 2 sections of the survey are for parents and caregivers to set SMART parenting goals as well document areas that require contact with an educational, guidance or medical provider.   Goals should specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.  See my article on goal setting, entitled “Empowering Kids for Life-long Success” for further specifics on SMART goals.

One of the largest challenges of running a household, can be managing all the paper!  What to keep, what to toss, where to file it, let alone filing it at all- can be an overwhelming series of tasks.  Consider creating a home management notebook: create your “powermom handbook.” 

Start with a 1-1/2 inch 3 ring binder, a box of page protectors, and stick-on durable tabs.  Attach a tab to a page protector, label the tabs and create page dividers.  Suggested page divider labels include: contacts, schedules, school, resources, ADHD management, menus, coupons, and business cards. As schedules and other papers needed for future reference come into the house, place them in an empty page protector and add to the handbook behind the appropriate divider. Think of the handbook as a bucket for your important papers- do not spend a lot of time organizing the business cards for example, just get them into a page protector and in your handbook.  You will know where to look when you need that important business card number or address.

Under Contacts, consider printing out your christmas card list or contact list from your computer and add to your handbook.  Include class address lists from your children’s school. Don’t be afraid to rip out the contact list page from a larger brochure and add it to your handbook, by filing it in a page protector.  Also consider collecting all that contact info that may be in your phone or handheld and write it down on paper, so other family members will have access to it when necessary.  Download your family home contact sheet here.

Under Schedules, file school calendars, sports calendars, scouting calendars, and work schedules.  Keep your local gym or Y brochure in its own page protector- or rip out the pertinent schedule pages and throw the rest away.

Under Schools, file assignment lists for class parties, school policies (like the recommended snack list), the snow emergency school number, and blank school medication dispensing forms.  Consider purchasing blank pre-printed absence/ early pick-up school forms and keep them at your fingertips in your powermom handbook.

Under Resources/ Reference, file museum membership info, recommended summer reading lists, metric conversions charts, teacher lists of recommended websites, sacrament guidelines and local maps.

Under ADHD Management, include blank copies of study buddy contact sheets, incentive coupons, weekly goal planning sheets, ASLUP sheets, and 6-Sided Survey sheets.  If you have incentive programs, blank paperwork of your program could be included here as well. Other items to include here is a printed copy of the National Resource Center on ADHD’s What We Know sheet (#1)on ADHD.  It is a great idea to have this printed and ready for the next teacher or coach who may need more information on ADHD. 

Another option for your “powermom handbook” is adding a clear 3 ring ziplock pocket.  Keep library cards, medical scripts, school identification cards, lock combinations, etc. in this handy, easy to spot location.  Again, use the pocket like a bucket- keep easy to lose cards and notes there for easy retrieval.

Pencils - preferably colorful, with designs, or with smell- it makes using them more exciting
Pencil Sharpener (small & manual)
Scissors (small)
Erasable pens

Highlighter
Small Sticky Notes – for edits on papers
Glue Sticks
Erasers (large “Pink Pearl”)
Easy button (yes, the one from Staples) Reward younger kids with an opportunity to hit it as they complete subject material, the older kids love it too!
Time Timer (small) This visual timer allows kids (and adults) who loose track of time to visual see time pass. Great for time-out and timing music practice, too!
Colored pencils (10 pack)
Skinny Magic Markers (8 pack)
Calculator (small & solar)
2 Dice – great for practicing simple addition, subtraction, and times tables for younger kids
6 inch ruler
Compass
Protractor

Homework Box Supply List.  This is not an exhaustive list of items to include in your homework box. You might include crayons instead of colored pencils, pennies and other coins if working on money math, the list varies with the age of your children.

I encourage you to buy your school supplies in bulk and store extras in a handy place, for easy access through the year. It eliminates the need to make the late night run for items, when a child comes home with the last minute request for pencils, glue, etc.
Other items to consider storing:

Posterboard
Report Covers
Scotch Tape
Index Cards
Sticky Notes
Crayons
Card Stock or Construction Paper/ Loose leaf and Grid Paper

We live in an age when we are driven by our activities, be they for work or recreation. For the ADHD family, that activity drive often becomes intense distraction that ramps up stress levels in the home. Distracted by email, texting, internet surfing, the time to complete tasks is shortened. Family members are not truly present in their communication with each other, parents are viewing their Blackberries or perhaps, kids are playing their DS-Lites, as parents ask kids to finish chores or kids ask parents for help on a math problem. In the stress and confusion of completing our tasks amid all the distractions, real connection with those we love, is lost. Managing the activities, instead of the relationships, becomes more time efficient, than the perceived resource-draining route of stopping our activity to strategize and truly “be present” with family members. Ironically, taking this time to be fully present without the Blackberry, allows us to share with our family what we need as well as what we expect, enabling spouses and children to more quickly and accurately take out the trash, feed the dog, or get ready for a basketball practice.

“Being present” starts with you. Step away from the Blackberry. As a parent, we have to role model how to act.

1) Ask clarifying questions. Find out what is important to your child and why? Seek greater understanding of their point of view.

2) Make your opinions and expectations clearly known. Don’t leave kids uncertain about your opinion.  Silence is complicity and all kids but kids with ADHD especially, need to be told opinions, preferences, and expectations very explicitly. Make directions simple and direct and in a calm non-judgmental voice. Do not muddle a direction by making vague requests. Instead of saying “clean your room,” state “please pick-up the clothes off your floor and put them in the hamper.”

3) Take 10 seconds everyday and tell your child how you value them. Make your compliments specific and without if, ands, or buts. (i.e. “I love you so much. I am so proud when you talk kindly to your brother and ask him if you can help him. It shows me you care about your relationship with him.”)

4) Always say “thank you.” This is true in every relationship- be it business or personal. Always thank a child who helps, be the child or the task very small. It energizes the child to continue their cooperative spirit.

5) Give your child feedback. Let them know when you feel humored by them, inspired by them, supported by them, loved by them. Also let them know when you feel insulted, hurt, embarrassed, or taken for granted. Provide this feedback without blame or judgment. (i.e. “I feel taken for granted when I fold your laundry and you throw it all over your room, when you were suppose to be putting it away. I spent a lot of my time sorting and folding it and I feel like you don’t respect my time and effort when you do that.”) Just remember, your negative feedback will have greater impact when it is held against a field of honest positive feedback…so focus on the positive feedback.

6) Welcome and solicit feedback from your children. Put on your heavy overcoat before you do it. Model how to give feedback using the “I-statement.” “I feel…. when you do…. I would like you to do ….. instead of …… “

7) Take responsibility for your impact. Sincerely apologize when you hurt feelings (even if you think it is insignificant.)

8 ) Don’t assume. If you don’t understand a tone of voice, facial expression, or action, ask. This is especially helpful to kids with ADHD who may not be in touch with their emotions, or the messages their actions provide. Without blame or judgment, talk to them about their tone of voice or facial expression. Does the action match the emotion or their intent?

9) Speak from your heart. Dare to make mistakes. Parenting is messy business.

Take what is left of winter break to experiment and poll your kids at lunch and snacktime. “What appeals to you, that might be packed in a brown bag lunch?” Try peanut butter on celery and cream cheese on celery (a nice peanut free alternative.) Try a soup or stew recipes for lunch tomorrow.  It might make an easy brown bag lunch in the future. Epicuirous.com has a list of healthy alternatives to the usual and often boring peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Fabulous foods also has some recipes for “PB and J” alternatives, though they lean more toward the sophisticated child palate and seem like they might be prohibitively time consuming to prepare. About: Busy Cooks appeared to have the most promising recipes for kid brown bag success in a timely manner. The bologna slaw wrap sandwich and crispy tuna recipe looked especially promising. Brown Bag Success is a great book filled with other ideas. It got great mom reviews except a complaint from one mom about too many peanut butter sandwich variations.

Happy experimenting!